I fear change.
I said it.
Change, I believe it can basically sum up all of my fears into one little blob of messiness.
Exactly Four weeks and 4 days ago, I made an extremely large decision, for me at this point in my life. This decision caused me to question my identity, worth and ministry for the Lord. Buckets of tears were shed, and mountains of doubt filled my soul. I chose to hang my shoes up early, and finish my running career at Baylor University.
If you know me well, you know my passion and love for this incredible sport. A sport that not only whips your body into shape, but also one’s mind and soul. It has enough impact to influence a person’s relationship with the Lord, as running is brought up in scripture multiple times.
Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
How can you relate my brief synopsis of change to your life? That is why I sit here, at this table in my favorite coffee shop in Waco Texas, Common Grounds, right now and ask you to find out.
Is there a change you need to make in your life right now? What are you saying no to God about? What are you putting off until graduation? Are you putting off your nutrition, (this is important for athletes and non athletes)? Maybe your relationship with your parents is not good at the moment, but you find yourself continually setting it aside and saying “they are the bigger person.” Or do you even have a relationship with the Lord? Maybe you need to take action and apply for that mission trip? What if it is time you pray for the women, man God has in store for you?
What kind of change do you need to make in your life right now?
Maybe, you have it all together, and you are in no need of a drastic change like I was forced to make. Realistically, you probably do not have it all together.
I urge you, if you are reading this, take a stern look at yourself. Right now. I know it hurts… Trust me. What needs to change?
Now please, do not go and search on Pinterest or instagram and say, “Oh I can change, maybe this means I can change my body, hair, makeup, how about I get boyfriend/girlfriend?”
Turn to scripture.
Start by reading James 1
To finish out this heart-heavy blog, I will give you some poetry I came across that I wrote in 2014.
The evolving of time triggers change
I stop to speculate
I pause to ponder
The breath that is within me – At this, I tremble in fear
This Fear is routine
A routine – I hope to terminate
A routine I pray time takes away –Christ is the only way
Control is an addiction within the space of my mind
I choose discipline upon the vine
I desire perfection above all fruits – as if perfection were an attribute to negotiate
Given aptitudes I have thanks for
The decision to display each justly takes discipline precisely
In fear I chose to preserver over each mountaintop and within each valley
The fight will never cease, each battle I will win
When rest appears within my mind – fear evolves into a bind
If I choose rest and stop, will I then be stolen or bought?
I desire to be of worthy cost – though as breath stops what then is this worth of such cost?
I pray you seek God in these next moments.
God has done a good work on me & still is daily. I sit in the great unknown right now, yet I trust Him more then ever before.
Carotene Crazy Cook,